Orlando

I'm currently lying on a sun lounger by the pool in Orlando, it's just after 10am but its already roasting hot. Jealous much? Don't be. I wouldn't say I had an envious life. On the outside looking in I suppose it looks not bad but inside my head it really hurts and it's terrifiying. As someone who's prone to depression already as I've already suffered from it I'm very alert to how I'm feeling and trying to differentiate grief from feeling down. I feel like saying cry me a river that to help me grieve and face reality I'm in Florida where me and Scott had some if our happiest times. But it's bloody hard and weird being here without him. I keep expecting him to come sit beside me or be in watching some big trial on the tv. It's also not completely sad. There's great memories in every corner of this house, in every spot I can remember a laugh, a conversation or a moment with him. I know he was with us last night when he arrived as there was a massive thunderstorm and he loved them, he'd make me sit out and watch them. The past couple of days have been so hard again I just wish I knew how to get through it that as they say doesn't "just take time"