:/

I have this horrendous pain in my chest, I have no appetite, I can't sleep and I'm struggling to really even be happy these past days. I keep slipping and I'm struggling to pull myself up again, I try not to be crabbit or moany to those around me but when your heart is broken into a million pieces and there's no glue to fix it how can you? I feel like everything I used to love is so trivial now, Like getting my hair done or my eyebrows. Things I used to love and follow up religiously is now pointless and a waste of time. I suppose its good in a way that I'm not so concerned about appearance as I once was. All I wanna do is get lost in books and escape reality, I don't regret coming home but I never expected it to be as hard as this. I've cried more than a handful of times today. Yesterday I was bent over in pain hardly able to breathe with grief, One minute I'm minding my own business and the next I'm inconsolable.

So I'm applying for every job I can find to try and gain some employment. There's not alot in Livingston so I'm applying to jobs in Aberdeen aswell, Hoping to get something in catering or hospitality. I don't want a conventional office job, I can't think of anything worse so I'm applying for live in positions, jobs with oil companies and looking to see how I get on the boats or the rigs.
Spent the weekend in Aberdeen with my brother and sister and had a lovely time it was great to see them again. Me and Karen went out to the Deeside on sunday which is the cairngorms and on the way back stopped at a few castles and a secret waterfall, was awesome. I'm really appreciating how green and pretty Scotland is after being away for so long and seeing completely different scenery.
Ah well Fingers crossed next time I write  this I'm employed as tomorrow I'm going to sign on and I'm not looking forward to it!